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Life is not
that great right now, as I feel the effect of a poor
decision I’ve made. I trust that everybody try to live their lives well, according to what they see as right. But… sometimes, what we see as the truth or the right thing to do; is not agreed upon by those it will affect. How shocking it is to learn that your viewpoint is frowned upon or considered wrong. What is right and wrong in any way? Who gets to decide that? Surely we look at our religions to guide us here; but discount that, who decides? Life is just not simply black and white; I wish it was, but it is not. Life has grown very complicated, and survival is now about knowing about everything that presents a threat. There are so many angles to be guarded that I sometimes fail to hold the fort. It appears I am losing my sanity in the attempt; or have I never been sane to start with; or am I alone sane? Life has become loud, hasn’t it? Can we still tell what is real? It seams as if some are lying to me, or at least lying to “protect” me from seeing the truth. I am not blind you fools; I see things around me and when you disagree or lie, I have to check my sanity first. I need you to be honest with me, give me the truth. Some apparently live noble lives and what they do make things better for all; but not me. Some have got the ability to do things so well; it appears the Messiah died in vain. I can not handle things that well; sometimes I get things wrong. When it hurts someone, it kills me to see it happen; for it is usually not as I intended. I have not the ability to control things that well, I wish I had, but I don’t. I am confused a little, so sometimes I struggle to distinguish between what is true and what is not. When I mistakenly hurt someone I love; I want to wipe myself out, but I can’t… the rule is; SURVIVE! I need a Messiah; a cross, a miracle to make the things I’ve broken right and to forgive me so I can sleep at night. I can attempt to make it right, but there is a limit to what I can achieve. Sometimes, trying to fix things only messes it up further. Yet; I am not the only one that messes things up, but does that make it right or even just okay? Is there any hope left for me to live a semi normal life? I have good intent you know… I look and see what’s going on around me; and it is not okay, but I can not even convince others that it is wrong. Understand; I have looked for help in religion, psychiatry and more. I need no more than the mercy of God to make things right. Maybe some others can be perfect, and consider that they are always right; I can not. Sometimes I make mistakes. If I do something in an incorrect manner, it remains wrong. I can not be dishonest and make it appear right. Today it seams you can do anything you please, as long as you can justify it. But this viewpoint is not really correct, because some things are just wrong and will never be right. Has life become so gray that black and white has been lost. What about: I am sorry, forgive me I was wrong? We don’t need to mask what is wrong in an appearance of being okay or right. We are human and sometimes we get things wrong; we can only attempt to do things right. I might see things very different than most, but that does not make my viewpoint wrong? Life matters; we should live it with responsibility and there are gradients to that. |
| By : Thys Groesbeek |