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In the
inner most part of my being, I have a picture of you. I love the way in which you try to comprehend me; sadly without success. Let’s get it right, once and for all; I am abnormal, different from everyone else. I don’t have the expected standard viewpoints on things as others. So, you gather that you are somehow to blame for the sadness in my life. The sadness stems from an incompatibility with this distorted existence. This world and its people are not ready to offer what would make me happy. Like with sex, their viewpoints are limited and influenced by misunderstanding. I have a cross to carry in this life; a burden that others aren’t aware of. If others had to know how they cage me, they would destroy themselves. It is my responsibility to harness the loneliness others can’t grasp or cater for. I do not have the strength to make others understand and carry the burden all at once. I am sad and lonely, but for the best I must hide this and restrain the tears. I must suppress the beautiful memories; pictures in my head. I must scorch my heart; singe its core to prevent it from caring, feeling and loving. I am not permitted to feel this way and if I do; I hurt those I love around me. I can’t go and I can’t stay; no-one gets that I can be in both places at once. I struggle against the paradigms of others; their inability to think outside the box. How can I be angered or even expect others to understand, they are incapable. I am right back where I started; caged for a lifetime by others perceptions. These people of this world and this time can’t truly care for each other. Their awareness is reduced to that of someone in apathy. They can not permit anyone joy or success; they would rather tear it down. They will not even take the time to consider something they deem wouldn’t benefit them. I know love, though limited; the most complete love I can have in one being. Still my heart is clear and capable to care for more than just her, but I may not. The recorded words of my soul would probably lie as much at waste, as my life. Where others had complete lives because of me; and I was left to starve. |
| By : Thys Groesbeek |