| Today my
whole life stands as a lie before me. Assumptions have proven once again, its unreliable nature. My heart beats fast as it pulls itself apart; to pieces. The ache is so real, my mind believes a heart attack is imminent. The faces of friends have been warped into scenes of betrayal. I am left with knowledge; which I should not have known. How needy we are if wolfs are permitted to occupy our hearts? How foolish am I to risk my sanity for the sake of them? What purpose does a deceitful acquaintance serve; nothing! I have whored out my heart; my love was never returned. Can man be considering good; if their nature is harmful? A blacksmith I must be; so to profit from all the daggers held. I have had many friends and many I adored, what’s its worth now? If I could err in believing the illusionary friendships now; should I not call each ‘friend’ before me to discover their truth? Now my heart is shaking as it is being compressed to explosion. I have lost all my trust; not even my partner’s word I take. Is this the final blow; is this what will drive me to withhold care? Life has changed its character, no longer smiling faces I see. Once I could love all, but now I am imprisoned by the fear of betrayal. I lived a life of transparency for all to see the real me; unvalued. I stuck out my hand for others to grab so they may not drown. What is the purpose; I ask as the tears role down my, now aging, cheeks? Just to stand with a dagger in my back without the care of a friend? My soul grows weary, demanding the protection of my mind. My soul shouts out that my heart will still be my end. I am reviewing my values; sadly admitting defeat to pain. No longer can I stand the rejection; my father’s should have been enough. I will have to cage my heart; and trim who may be my friends. Don’t fib old friend; you won’t miss me at all, clearly! |
| By : Thys Groesbeek |