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How does
one handle one’s past convincingly enough, so others
will stop pushing you there? I am fed up of having to look at it and “handling” it, just to let others feel safe. I find it strange that my past is so past tense for me; yet, for others it seams so real. What happened to “letting sleeping dogs lie?” I am who I am, like it or not; if you need my assistance, you better like it. It would be wise to at least accept who I am; I am pretty capable you know. My ability is reduced to the degree you want things done your way. Chances are that I already have a handling for your problem; if I don’t, I know where to find a solution. So, explain to me exactly why I should do things your way; because I am really not keen on doing it like that. At this very moment I am seriously thinking of telling you where things could be shoved. I really despise the way you try to control and handle me, let me be; let me speak! Damn-it, did I ask you to revisit your past and safeguard it for me? I fail to understand how people can be so ill at ease. Why can’t we leave others alone; no, we “have to” judge others. Then, we judge them on what we think is right and wrong. Never mind if they have a different viewpoint; it’s just ours that count, not? Groups appear all the same to me, enforcing their viewpoints on others. Whether this is by way of promotion, enforcement or popularity; we sell what we believe. I have been part of many groups; preferring rather to be on my own. Tell you what; rather explain why I should join your group, than telling me why I can not. Okay, I will admit; it is nice to belong to a group. It is the extant agreements that define a group; that which is common viewpoint and belief. At times these similarities are plain to see, like by the colour of your skin. Sometimes it is more abstract; but as impossible to change ones attributes to fit in. We all want to belong; failing that, we could always make everyone else wrong. We must always be right; even when we are very-very wrong. It is what we do; we justify our actions until we are seen as “right”. What a silly game; I know I can be wrong and I want to be allowed to experience that too. Life is complicated enough without us hanging expectations around each others necks. The more rules and regulations there are the more complicated it is to remain in such a group without a flub. I often look at life, amazed to see how complicated we have made it become. I have tied myself up so tight I can’t get out; I am bored of this game, let’s change the rules or play something else. For me it is game over, I have won; I managed to tangle myself up. Is that not what we set out to do? Well, that is how it appears to me; since everyone is apparently trying to destruct themselves and everything else. Come on my fellow beings, wake up! I am not playing this game because I want to, I am playing it because I am part of it and we can’t stop. How I wish we could stop or at least; pack away my pawn. For eons the game has been played; over and over, damn-it; let’s start a different game. Or if you require me to stay, at least give me a turn on the winning side. Yip, life is not fair; some players outweigh their opponent by far. The rules are just illusional, with deities to make them seem real. I am who I am; I am more than what is seen and I will remain. You too are this way; beyond the noise, confusion and illusions called “life”. |
| By : Thys Groesbeek |